Day 9 of 30

Today, my mind is thinking all about tomorrow's weigh in. In one of my previous posts, i mentioned i have joined WW and tomorrow is the next meeting and this week, i have eaten above and beyond what i shoud have and now dread getting on the scale.

I have never been happy with my weight, i always wanted to be slimmer than i was, even when i was 50 kg...55kg..60kg...65kg...I was never happy with myself. Thanks to the projection of slimmer you are, beautiful you are considered concept..i have run behind a mirage of that self, that could never have been.

At this stage, my excess weight is more of a health hazard than a cosmetic problem. As I age, being healthy is important, cant afford to be sick when i have a little one to take care of, so i do whatever i can..south beach diet..pilates..no carb diet...and now WW. You might say, its not means that is wrong, but the approach.I know, i am looking for quick solutions and without any self control, all the methods invariably fail.

I have noticed, in the recent fight against fat, that my hunger is never satisfied. I am not talking about feeding my body, i am talking about the feeling that makes you feel full and not make your mind constantly think about food. When there is a void in our lives, most of us, try feeding it with food and the fact is food cannot fill that void, and in a vain atempt, the excess food converts to fat and fat to all kinds of health issues.All the over weight people are feeding something other than their body with food. With unhealthy food choices, the struggle becomes harder. I need something else to fill the void with, something that will really fill it. And the solution i know is within me, not outside me, not in anything material. I know the day, the void is filled, the need for food will be limited to nourishing myself, there will no over eating, untimely snacking, excessive eating, unnecessary cravings, when all these are gone, the fat will be gone too. Its a weird situation, you know what the solution is, but you are not able to apply it. The inertia or the unwillingness to embrace change, the comfort of current situation seems better.

Well, all this rant about my weigh in tomorrow, has made me mentally hungry, i can hear my stomach growl..OK, time to hit the bed...today has been purely i, me, myself post. Its hard to get away from the thing called self. the more harder i try, with double the force it comes back at me.I guess if i stop trying, it will just go away.