Sitting at home, doing nothing.Trying to deal with the loss and waiting for the physical aspect of it to come to an end.I am ready for the pain to arrive and with it, take me totally out of this loss, and complete my grieving.But it seems to be taking its own sweet time.Well, who can rush the nature, it does what it has do, when it has to do.Meanwhile i decided to vent it out on my dear blog(which never complains!!!).
I am trying to be unattached and be pratical and believe that 'whatever happens, happens for good', but its hard not to introspect, hard not to find a reason to attribute to the loss.Its human nature I think to be able to find a reason for everything that happens. Well, i am trying to put to best use, the time i have. Wanted to do some retail therapy, but at this time and situation, dont think that will help. Yesterday spent a couple of hours, in a book store.Was at chapters, the sweet aroma of coffee and the abundance of books, always perks me up.But yesterday was different, i was wandering aimlessly in the store, scanning through books aisle after aisle. Went to the the 'Self help' section..'Change how you live' , 'A new you in 30 days' ,'Transform Yourself', were some of the titles, a smile broke out. How naive, can reading a book transform your life, can doing something someone asks you to do change your perspective. It may influence you to an extent but will not change you to be a better person. If you are experiencing a loss, when you read of other people having same loss and come through it, it gives you hope that you will come out of it too. But does it change how you look at life, does it change you as a person, its debatable.
I walked past that aisle and went to the biographies section and none compelled me to read their story, not M.K.Gandhi, not Hitler, not Nelson Mandela, their biographies at that time, did not seem appealing, given another time, i would be jumping at the sight of them.As my eyes scanned through, i saw the words 'I carry my cross' or something like that. It was either a book by musician or was a music album. My eyes did not want to know more that those words. How true were they . We all carry our cross, even Lord Jesus wasnt spared, he had to carry his own. And there i was, carrying my own cross, it felt a little heavy, but quitely i was trudging along with its weight on my shoulders and as i looked around, i saw people, heads into books, some staring at their laptops, some talking animatedly with a coffee in a hand and a very few, not doing anything. All of these people too were carrying their cross. We dont know what each person is going through, our pain looks the biggest.
I picked up biography of Steve Jobs and a book on Hatha Yoga, and when paying for it, decided to buy a couple of caramel candies, afterall the cross wasnt that heavy, that i couldnt eat a candy.
I am trying to be unattached and be pratical and believe that 'whatever happens, happens for good', but its hard not to introspect, hard not to find a reason to attribute to the loss.Its human nature I think to be able to find a reason for everything that happens. Well, i am trying to put to best use, the time i have. Wanted to do some retail therapy, but at this time and situation, dont think that will help. Yesterday spent a couple of hours, in a book store.Was at chapters, the sweet aroma of coffee and the abundance of books, always perks me up.But yesterday was different, i was wandering aimlessly in the store, scanning through books aisle after aisle. Went to the the 'Self help' section..'Change how you live' , 'A new you in 30 days' ,'Transform Yourself', were some of the titles, a smile broke out. How naive, can reading a book transform your life, can doing something someone asks you to do change your perspective. It may influence you to an extent but will not change you to be a better person. If you are experiencing a loss, when you read of other people having same loss and come through it, it gives you hope that you will come out of it too. But does it change how you look at life, does it change you as a person, its debatable.
I walked past that aisle and went to the biographies section and none compelled me to read their story, not M.K.Gandhi, not Hitler, not Nelson Mandela, their biographies at that time, did not seem appealing, given another time, i would be jumping at the sight of them.As my eyes scanned through, i saw the words 'I carry my cross' or something like that. It was either a book by musician or was a music album. My eyes did not want to know more that those words. How true were they . We all carry our cross, even Lord Jesus wasnt spared, he had to carry his own. And there i was, carrying my own cross, it felt a little heavy, but quitely i was trudging along with its weight on my shoulders and as i looked around, i saw people, heads into books, some staring at their laptops, some talking animatedly with a coffee in a hand and a very few, not doing anything. All of these people too were carrying their cross. We dont know what each person is going through, our pain looks the biggest.
I picked up biography of Steve Jobs and a book on Hatha Yoga, and when paying for it, decided to buy a couple of caramel candies, afterall the cross wasnt that heavy, that i couldnt eat a candy.
