Why is it so?

Sometimes I write to get my thoughts across and sometimes I have something to share and there are times when i write to get the emotions and feelings out of my mind and onto a canvas and that makes me feel better.

Its almost midnight and i am not able to sleep. Reason, having to part with my darling daughter for a full 8 hrs everyday. the thought was terrifying, i kept not thinking about it, i kept telling myself, i will cross the bridge when i get to it. and now i am at the bridge and have to cross it and there are many questions raging in my head. The one that keeps reappearing is , should i not do it? or rather why should i do it? I grew up with my Mother round me until i was 3 and was sent to school. I am doing it 2 years earlier with my daughter. Everyone says i will get over it and when we both are adjusted to the new routine, it wont be feel as bad.But whatever anyone says, howmuch ever they assure that my daughter is going to learn social skills and learn a lot of new things i wont be able to teach her at home, my heart still wont forgive me. Its almost like i am committing a sin.

When i was in my 20's , i would say i will never stop working, its my identity, my independence blah blah blah..it still is, but somehow looks so unimportant compared to raising my child. I want a career as a Mommy (and wish money could grow on trees).I like it when it was simple back then, men brought food, women took care of home and kids. pretty simple right.But now,away from extended family, a desire to own material things and the drive to provide our kids with every comfort we can afford, both Mommy and Daddy need to go out and make money, leaving kids with strangers, who definitely don't love them as much as you do.

I hope i am doing the right thing. Hope my daughter will be OK without me.I hope I can forgive myself.