The lord of 7 Hills - be pleased please

Like any god fearing south Indian family, our in laws make sure we visit Tirupathi every time we visit india, well my FIL makes us visit many more shrines, and my parents match it with same enthusiasm , lest any God be angered, basically converting our india trip to a pilgrimage almost every time, but thats topic for another blog. I've been to Tirupathi about 5-6 times in my life so far, twice before being married into a Hindu family and mind you, these 2 trips were much earlier than I met D, so my connection with Mr.B (not Bachan, Mr.Balaji I mean) is not as a result of my holy matrimony. I also walked all the way upto tirumala twice. I like going there, there is just something magical about that place. I enjoy the walk more than the automobile ride, and hope my fitness levels allow me to do this for many more times to come.

With every visit, I want to go back more, there is a this unsatiable thirst to see the divine form of the God here.And every time its a different experience, well except for a couple of things. First thing being, 'The crowd' and the unruly way they will push you not withstanding the fact that its a temple and of all places on earth, this should be where you must seek peace and be polite. well , No, this not what happens, in the hurry to meet the Lord and to place their long list of requests , people just forget their manners. it irks me, when i stand in line with the solemn intenion of paying my respects to the Lord, I am pushed, elbowed, fallen upon. I wonder at times, is it test to my patience or does the lord want to see, if i will still return after going through this. I can say he has won, for after the darshan, everything is forgotten.I always jokingly say, Lord Balaji likes the rich and famous, for he meets them exclusively.For commoners like me and family, the struggle to catch a glimpse is long before over.

And another thing that is common in every visit is , the fight to find accomodation on the hill to share residence on the same heavenly abode as Lord Balaji. It always starts with a number of phone calls to all the people you know who might know someone who can help you get a decent accomodation. After pulling strings, and reminding people of the favors you did and clearly asking a favor in return, you are confirmed of a decent accomodation in the holy hill. I wonder always why cant it be straight forward, why cant i just be able to get the same accomodation and pay the same price without all the phone calls and asking for favors. Why does this need intervention of someone who can influence.You might ask, why cant you go stay in the free accomodation that TTD provides, well I hail from a middle class family, the class that cannot be rich and doesnt accept itself to be poor. And honestly since i never stayed in any of those free places, dont know how clean they are and how easily available they are.

The most recent visit, i was worried about long before we made the journey. The reason being we were going to take little A with us. There was a quick darshan for moms and infants,but the question was, if I had quick darshan, what will i do for hours that my family is waiting in the line. So a family decision was made to stick together. We bought the seeghra darshan ticket, and had to stand in line for a few hours. D was holding A, the crowd there dint care if there was a few months old baby , in their hurry they did what they did best, push. I was more worried about my daughter's safety, my mind was nowhere near calm and serene. I did yell at few people, made scornful faces at some, sighed at few more, but all that dint matter. Luckily A fell asleep and work up right near the entrance of the main temple. D held her on his shoulders and showed his daughter to Lord Balaji and in his heart said prayers for her.In all the pushing, pulling, i managed a one second glimpse at the Lord, for I was making sure my daughter was fine. After we came out, I realised I had seen the divine form of God for not long enough. But somehow that one second glance did etch the figure in my mind.Even if i wanted to see a little bit more,it was too late, i cant stand a few hours for another glimpse now.That was it for this visit.

I kept talking about how unfair it was not to let people take a proper look at their favorite deity after making long journeys, and standing for hours in the queue.My FIL kept smiling at my complaints.While we were having dinner at the restaurant, he slowly tapped on my hand
and showed me a writing on the wall. It said
"It is not the Darshan you get, It is the Darshan he gives"
that laid to rest all my complaining. Guess the test is to maintain calm amidst the chaos, politeness amidst the rude. It doesnt matter how long you visually see the divine form, one millioneth of the second is enough for the devotee who is there, just to be in presence of the divine, not with a long list of wishes.


One interesting thing to note is, In my 2nd visit I think, i saw an older gentleman , with long beard, green clothes, head covered in pagdi,looked like a muslim saint, sitting in the outer corridor and he seemed to be in meditation. I have never seen a muslim before in a hindu shrine, though the vice versa is more common. Spirituality and God transcends everything, including Religion.

So, Mr.B , when i meet you next time, it will be just you and me, inspite of the crowds, the pushing, the accomodation hassles. I will be glad i met you, rather than complain, how hard it was to meet you. I will experience the serenity and let go the madness around me.My anger, ego, impatience shall be surrendered at your feet.So until next time, 'be pleased' please.

Facing the Fa(c)t

Well, its time i face it. In my head it doesnt feel that way, but the truth is undeniable and so visible it cant be missed. How much ever i avoid the mirors, being in the pics, it does happen and for a fleeting moment i realise the fact and then go into denial again. Wondering what is it that i am avoiding like plague? its my weight...huh...there you go i said it.And yes I am fat, there is just no running away from it.


I avoid my old clothes, bought a truck load of new 'big' clothes. The signs were clear and i choose to clearly avoid them. when i go to buy clothes, there are not many that 'fit' me. People look at me as if i couldnt wait to get pregnant again and some couldnt hold it and asked if i was carrying again..i shrugged saying i havent lost the baby fat yet.D calls me a 'sumo'. My dad says he is worried about my health. My mom offers me her clothes now.My FIL says i need to get back to 'normal'. well how much ever i ignore the word 'normal', it sure screams 'loose some weight'.


The funny thing is , when you are not fat and look at overweight people, you cant seem to understand how they let themselves be so fat and not do anything about it..well now i know, its a vicious cycle, you are fat because you eat too much, then you are depressed you are fat and eat more for comfort and get more fatter...ah well for my reasoning and justfying my weight.its time to take my life in control and get my body back to its healthy self.

The fight against my fat is on, now that i have come to accept the fact that i am fat, it is easier to plan for losing it. I am watching what i am eating, trying to fit working out in my schedule, cant wait for the weather to get better, so I and A can get out and get some fresh air and i get to do some walking too.


Ok future, here i come,wait for a slimmer and sexier me ;). And the reason i am blogging this is, i hope my well meaning friends will keep reminding me of my weight and hopefully to avoid any embarassment i will try more harder.

Back from hiatus

Back from a looong trip to India..almost 3 months. Since this is supposed to be my travelogue I must write about it before i forget the finer details. Every time i visit india things are different,well here is whats changed this time

-- people are much older, my grandmother looks very old now, her health not getting any better and news of other older relatives getting surgeries and eating more pills

-- kids are little bit more grown up, my cousins who looked up to me growing up, wanted to wear my lipstick and nailpaint are now in college and making their own fashion statements :)

-- basic amenities are costlier, whoa this one was a shocker, every thing is soooo expensive, i wonder how a common man is managing. Eating out for a family one time can easily cost as much as the groceries for half a month, no I am not kidding

-- roads are crowded and more polluted, the number of cars seem to be increasing by the day.It takes forever to travel within the city

-- more TV channels, in telugu alone there are about million new channels(ok, million is an overstatement, but there are quite a few), covering everything from death of ant to international news..its both good and bad i think. My favorite channel is 'Vanitha', an exclusive womens channel

-- Life is getting more westernized.Sarees are now for the older generation or to be worn only on special occassions, and by the way the way saree is being draped is changing too.

-- Increased crowd in hospitals, every hospital, clinic i went to was jam packed...dint like this at all.Health problems seem to be on the raise, kids, young and old no-one is being spared. wonder what it is..and guess what ,the govt seem to have found a new avenue for revenue in this fact(proposed service tax on healthcare services).

Unlike other times i am ok with coming home to my adopted country, this time around, dint feel like coming. Felt i was leaving home all over again.Had to come with heavy heart, it was as if i was not missing India for me, I was missing it for A as well. The thought that she was going to miss unconditional love of grandparents, miss company of cousins, miss affection of uncle and aunt and miss a peck on cheek from complete strangers. Well, I wont be lying if I wanted to move back. For a week after my arrival to TO I bugged D with different options of going back to India. He gave me a million reasons why we should stay here.And can you believe what the top reason was 'We cant afford to live in India', well as much as sad it is, it is true. To be able to live the way we want to,it costs a bomb.We cant clearly afford a house there esp in the city we want to live. And we dont know nothing but work with computers and there are no companies in small towns :( .I am now thinking of developing a skill that can give me employment even in a small town...how about farming...hmmmm....interesting but cant afford it too, agricultural land costs a few crores. Well, as I continue to scheme , D says I will get over it. maybe i will, maybe i wont.

Its strange how people out of India yearn for India, while the ones in it look for opportunities to move out. Thats the irony of life, you are never happy with what you have, you always feel that the grass is greener on the other side. For now, I must learn to be happy in my adopted country and learn to be content with whatever life offers.On that note, i'll take your leave...Hope all of you had a great new year and are having wonderful year so far..